| last night i tossed and turned inside a thundercloud |
[Friday
January 1st, 2010] |
sometimes friends only.
sometimes public.
sometimes private.
try me.
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[Saturday
January 7th, 2006] |
IT'S OFFICIAL:
I am not 70_mph anymore. I am now
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) geeimatree
So add it.
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[Thursday
January 5th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
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liberated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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ladytron |
] |
I quit my job.
I quit the swim team.
I talked to my counselor and dropped four out of my eight classes.
I've applied to work somewhere new.
I'm going to cut my hair and dye it.
I've made a list of things I want to do this year (in honor of the lunar calender, thus they will take effect January 29, 2006.)
I'm going to rearrange my room as soon as I get the time.
I've made a new journal.
geeimatree
which I haven't started yet, but I will once I get the time.
(which will come soon, seeing as I'm going through all this quitting.)
And I feel more liberated than ever.
Yesterday I skipped third and fourth hour to see some people that were too cool for school, and today Catie came with me to be my moral support in going forth with all this change.
(we saw a comet, by the way. probably the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.)
And, the weird thing about it all? This boy I used to know actually made an obvious effort to start talking to me again. He asked me what was new in my life and I informed him of all of this, and, just like he always used to, he yelled at me. But you know what? It was a good thing, because I just laughed at him and thought to myself that if I were my previous self, I would probably be secretly crying right now. And it's amazing to see all the change I've gone through in the past year. I mean, I've lost some friends (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), I've gained the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. I've learned so much and I've grown so much and little things like boys don't get to me like they used to.
I am just loving this change so much that I feel like I can do anything now! I walked out of four classes jumping up and down for joy just because I was so happy that I was finally getting out of everything I've hated and starting something new and fresh. I had a few people comment to me that they wish they had the guts to do all of this. And the truth is, I never really had the guts in the first place to do this, I just decided all of this yesterday and I feel so certain that all of this will be for the better. And it just makes me so happy!
Goodness me.
I'm really quite pathetic.
I've just never gone through so much change in the period of a few days.
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| (i wish i would've read this two weeks ago) |
[Tuesday
December 27th, 2005] |
It seemed
like years
before
I picked
a bouquet
of kisses
off her mouth
and put them
into a dawn-colored vase
in
my
heart.
But
the wait
was worth it.
Because
I
was
in love.
-brautigan
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[Friday
December 23rd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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dirty. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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clap your hands say yeah |
] |
we spend our time together
taking quests to the basement,
saying "oh" for hours,
going to cell phone stores and sending text messages to people (for the sole purpose of confusion[on the recievers end] and annoyance[for the employees]),
stealing candy canes from santa-grinches,
stealing fortune cookies from pei-wei (for the sole purpose of stocking up),
yelling in the parking lot about how tired we are,
admiring sheep-like trees on mountains,
thinking of ideas for books/movies/shindigs,
visiting barnes and noble,
finding books and saying
"hey, this is our book!"
and reading it for hours.
(oh and did i mention? she went with me to the doctors.)
(and about 50 million people asked if we were sisters.)
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| don't you wonder sometimes about sound and vision? |
[Saturday
December 17th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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geuss. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the sea and cake |
] |
I am afraid of the following:
1.Driving next to semi-trucks. I'm always afraid that they will turn on their blinker and forget to check their blind spot and run me over. Or if we're on a turn I'm afraid that it will just tip right over and fall on me.
2.Robots. I'm scared that if people keep building them and making them better and smarter, eventually they'll take over the world and kill off all the humans. I'd prefer to leave things to men, not man-made men.
3.Being stuck at the bottom of a pool. I heard a story once that a girl was swimming and her hair got caught in the drain, and she drowned. It seriously scares me every time I swim, that I'll be at the bottom and all of a sudden I'll realize something is stuck and I'm underwater and I can't get up.
4.Sticking a wet hand through fire. I tried it once, and somehow I still managed to get burnt. So now I try to distance myself away from matches and candles.
5.People who don't brake soon enough. If I'm in a car and someone isn't slowing down, I won't say anything but I'll push my feet down into the floor and I'll push my back into the seat as far as it can go and I'll open my eyes real wide until they finally decide to brake.
6.Killing bugs. I hate it when I see bugs, but it's more frightening for me to kill them rather than just leaving them be. I'm always afraid that A)It'll jump on me right before I try and squash it or B)I won't kill it all the way and it will climb out of the tissue and come back to bite me or something.
7.Thunderstorms. Typical typical typical. I used to cry when I was little whenever there was a thunderstorm, and if I saw someone's hair sticking only slightly up (even if it was their natural frizz) I would hide under a table and assume the fetal position. I'm not that scared of them anymore, but I've definitly studied out every precaution I need to take when a storm strikes.
8.Calling boys. It's true, I'm scared to do it. Even if I don't like the boy.
I really am crazy.
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| i was dancing on the breeze |
[Monday
November 28th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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.lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bjork |
] |
maybe i should write a book, not about my life but about the lives i think other people live.
in this book i'll include the girl who wanted to count to a trillion and forgot how to feel anything, and memories for her were numbers, like 1,162 and 68,248 and all numbers ending in 24. then there will be a chauffer who feels empty every time he gets in the car and noone rides shotgun. i'll even include a man who doesn't have a sexual orientation because he lacks certain hormones and a girl who grew up with her mom in an RV watching re-runs of M*A*S*H but never knew that she was beautiful. and all these characters will be connected somehow (because-isn't everyone?), maybe they'll have the same barber, who could be a man who's 45 and still lives with his mom because he's too afraid to grow up.
maybe i'll make all my characters go crazy because i like it when characters go crazy, but maybe i won't.
the great thing about all this is i can be a god of a world i create with my words. i'll make sure that everyone has their own happy ending, because in my world everyone deserves a happy ending.
maybe the girl-who-wanted-to-count-to-a-trillion will finally reach her goal and will be able to rediscover thoughts and words and feelings. and our chauffer will find a dog on the side of the road and take him as his own. and this dog will lick his face and bark to the beat of the music and will always ride shotgun. the man without any sexuality will find beauty in butterflies and all things white and water and maybe he'll find his calling through knitting scarves for all the cold people in the world. and the trailer-trash-beauty will move out and find love in the city and live a cliched story-life because in my world, there will be cliches and they will come true.
and everyone will live happily ever after, because that's the way i want it to be in my world.
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[Friday
November 18th, 2005] |
Poll #615829
Open to: All, results viewable to: NoneI think everyone needs a place where they can just complain complain complain and whine and bitch and moan and whatever. you can do that here. i don't care what you whine about. you can tell me how annoyed you are with your dog because he's barking too loud or you can complain about the driver that cut you off today. feel free to say whatever here, i promise i won't think you're dumb or anything.
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| cold. |
[Sunday
November 13th, 2005] |
arbitrary, careless, capricious, changeful, contrary, crotchety, effervescent, erratic, fanciful, fantasmo, fickle, fitful, flaky, flighty, freakish, gaga, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy, humorsome, impulsive, inconstant, kinky, lubricious, mercurial, moody, mutable, notional, odd, picky, punchy, queer, quirky, temperamental, ticklish, unpredictable, unreasonable, unstable, vagarious, variable, volatile, wayward, whimsical, yo-yo
it's all relative.
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| girl |
[Tuesday
November 8th, 2005] |
"boy" is such a weird word, especially when you say it out loud over and over again.
boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys boys
etc.
what a coincidence! boys are weird too! especially when you think about them over and over again.
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
etc.
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| can you paint with all the colors of the wind? |
[Friday
October 28th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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native |
] |
| [ |
music |
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neutral milk hotel-oh comely |
] |
sometimes there are advantages to being small.
like fitting into your old indian costume from when you were 10!!
i really like this whole indian look i'm sporting.
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[Thursday
October 6th, 2005] |
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Let me just remind you all that I am a flaming tourist. I have a camera around my neck and a fanny pack (with Winnie the Pooh!) on me at all times. It's amazing.
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[Wednesday
October 5th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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i need to pack! so much to do! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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deerhoof! of course! |
] |
I found this in the bottom of my bag today, and was about to throw it away thinking it was just a scrap piece of paper.
( what the letter said )
Jessica Kuo is a little chinese girl who has a learning disability. This letter probably took her an hour minimum to write, and I'm just now finding it (she dated it in May).
These kids certainly have a way to brighten my day.
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[Saturday
October 1st, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
overwhelmed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the new pornographers |
] |
Robots scare me.
I thought they would only be in movies because people would figure out that they start out great and then turn into monsters, thinking they're better than humans and decide to take over.
It sounds pathetic, but it really does scare me.
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| Pointless Story #1 |
[Thursday
September 29th, 2005] |
I always set my alarm at least 45 minutes before I actually have to wake up. What started as a solution to never waking up on time has now turned into a new early morning ritual.
I now hit the snooze button 3 times and then simply lie in my bed, wide awake for another 2 snoozes. During this time, I will either think about the dreams of the night, drink some water, or simply enjoy the serenity of early mornings. I'll listen to cars go by one at a time and think of why in the world people would drive so early in the morning. I'll look around my room and let my eyes adjust to the dark and watch the minutes gain on my clock. This morning I woke up and started unconciously humming. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I couldn't help but start laughing to myself.
It was a lovely way to start a day.
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[Tuesday
September 20th, 2005] |
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I know what I need to do, it's just the actual execution of it that's privng to be difficult.
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[Saturday
September 17th, 2005] |
"It's the movies that have really been running things in America ever since they were invented. They show you what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to feel about it, and how to look how you feel about it."
--Andy Warhol
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| 17on 17 |
[Saturday
September 17th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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chocolate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Garden State Soundtrack |
] |
There really is a man in the moon!
I saw him, I did!
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[Thursday
September 1st, 2005] |
| [ |
music |
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Bell X1-here she comes |
] |
I've been somewhat selfish lately.
And it's no good.
Everyone is on their journey towards pure happiness. Everyone has that underlying hope that even if things aren't going well right now, in the near future things will be alright and everything will be ok. If one person is the least bit unhappy, they complain complain complain or want to end their life or are perscribed. Because everyone wants to be happy. They envy the girl who can smile at life. They live their lives doing everything for acceptance, because they think that's the key to happiness. If only people could see how amazing they are, then everything else will fall into place.
If only there was something that all of us could discover. Something to let us know that everything we've been doing is a waste of time. Wouldn't life be so much easier to live if there was just one word, one phrase that would reveal to everyone that ever heard it that could unify the world?
I think everyone wants to find love, in whatever form; the most common being with a partner. Its human nature to want someone. Its in our nature to want more out of everything. We want and want and want. Someone could have everything yet they would still want something more. Something something something thats missing. The clothes that are missing because if only they wear certain clothes they'll be accepted by certain people. Religion to answer every life question they've ever had. Money to solve every childhood problem they ever faced. Love to fill in every hollow space in their heart. Alcohol to relax their emotions. Exercise to have a healthy body. Education to have an active mind. There's always something missing, something that can fill the void in their life.
I think everyone has this goal. To find what that void is and fill it so that sooner or later, they can be on the road to true bliss.
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| No oven needed! |
[Thursday
August 18th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
all yummed up |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
broken social scene-anthems for a seventeen year old girl |
] |
I have started up a newfound craze!!
NO-BAKE-COOKIES!
They're easy to make, fun to eat, and quick!
However, mine didn't turn out today....
here's the recipe, you should all make some and see if yours turn out.
Ingredients:
2 c. sugar
1/4 lbs. butter
1/2 c. milk
4 tbs. cocoa
Steps:
stir and let come to a full boil. boil for 1 1/2 min (I usually do two though)
Remove from heat and stir in 2 1/2 c. quick quaker oats and 2 tsp. vanilla.
When your done, put them onto wax paper and wait a few minutes for them to get hard.
MMMM BOY!
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